Sarcasm and bravado are a great defense against self-pity. You know that better than anyone. At one point, I debating doing a project, a comic, called “On a Positive Note, I Probably Won’t Survive the Apocalypse”. It was meant to be a bit of humor piece, making fun of the shit condition of my body. Of course, it was also a bit depressing and self-deprecating. With all my health problems, I truly couldn’t see myself making it in a difficult situation like that. I’m in pain, constantly, on some level, because genetics failed me. Some days, I can’t walk because my legs give out from under me. On worse days, I can’t move.
But, you not only survive a nuclear apocalypse radiation soaked planet, against Grounders and Mountain Men and the occasional jackass in your own camp, you kick ass and take names while you do it. Even after losing the feeling in your left leg. Even while living in extreme pain yourself. You’re able to do it because you’re smarter and more determined than anyone else. Which means that I need to rework my way of thinking. My body is kind of shit, but hey, both my legs work some days. And I’m sure as hell not stupid. Not “perfect scores on all my tests” or “hack a ridiculously advanced AI” smart, but smart enough to figure out how to make it. How to kick ass. How to be the awesome. So I will figure it out. You might be the best, but give me time. I’m just as much a perfectionist as you. I’ll find a way to kick ass, even if the apocalypse does happen and things trying to kill me surround me.
Raven, you’re crippled. And you’re strong and talented and badass. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise- especially don’t tell yourself otherwise. I’ll try and do the same.
Yeah, sometimes we both just need to remind ourselves that we’re allowed to ask for help. And just because our bodies don’t work the way they used to, we’re not weak. We might have changed, but that doesn’t make us less than who we were. It just makes us different. And we’re both smart enough to figure out how to be a different kind of badass.
Life is a struggle, apocalyptic wasteland or not, but we know how to fight. So let’s do this shit, and do it better than anyone else.